Pondering Life
by Darkscream
Summary: G1 Firstperson view. My OC Darkscream gets a chance to think over her life.


I sometimes wonder why I bother to keep going on in this life. What's the point of living a lie when I know there's nothing good to come of it? I have often stared out into the deep blue waters of the ocean, wondering why I allowed myself to become a lie. One of the things I hate to: lie.

Laying back on my berth, I often have stared at the pale ceiling above. There have been many a restless night for me, all because I can not think properly. My mind wanders back to the day's events, wondering just why I did something. Oh only if I could of done it differently, maybe the outcome could of changed. Alas, there is no way to turn back the hands of time no matter how much I desire to restart and re-do something I hated to do.

Sighing, I look back out through the porthole of my quarters and wonder: Why am I here? That is the question that plagues my mind through the entire day. Only thoughts and actions let me get by, but it is always there. A burning question that haunts my sleep and wont let me get a proper sleep.

Why am I here?

How I desire to know the answer, but there is none to find. Sitting up, I slid around on my berth till my feet dangled off the edge. Looking down, the floor is as pale gray as a stormy sky. Turning my head away, I look around to recall the things I have brought with me to earth.

Various trinkets and tools line my desk. Even a box, I dare not let anyone ever see the inside. I know Megatron would not waste a second in taking it away from me to use on the Autobots. Another trapped in a cage. At least it has no soul of real life. Just a simple AI, programmed to do it's job.

Sighing heavily, I move my hand over my face. Knowing that I have certain things to return to Hook. Through all the chaos, I still do forget to return things. Others, like pieces of metal and armor taken from battle, they stay with me. Rarely to ever see the light of day, or even the light that the ocean casts in waves.

I will always have something with me, to remind me of the cold truth of life that lies only make worse. We basically just live this pointless existence, only to die an inevitable death. No, not even I can live forever. I would not even want to do so. Living past friends, going to and fro from war. All of it makes me want to seek death, but like before, it slips through my fingers.

Pulling my hand away, I think how many times I have been so close to death, only to return to life. Glancing back out through the porthole of my quarters, a silver school of fish swim past without a care in the world. Oh how I often wish to be as carefree as they, but I know all too well that serenity does not last for very long. Those poor fish are eventually hunted down by dolphins, sharks, whales, or other fish bigger than them. Not even in a group are they safe.

Yet, they still stick together. Oh how that reminds me of battles in the past and ones in the future. A never ending battle that's been going on as long as anyone can even remember. Chaos always seem to have a good grip on the reigns of this life and peace…oh how peace just seems to be a distant star and memory, so desired.

Why must this battle continue to rage on and in the end, lead us straight into chaos again. A sad truth is blood shed for peace, is not peace at all. That seems to be the only way to get to peace, is through this bloody war…

How I despise this war!

How I loath the truth of what life is!

Chaos led us into peace and it seems that only chaos can get us out of it. A sad, sad truth indeed to realize…

I must sigh in thought of what I have been pondering. To be alone, it is not a joyous thing at all. I…I am incapable of being alone without someone. Even a thought that I know someone will be thee for me, it is what keeps my mind from going insane when I am alone.

It is not just I am a sibling. No. The reason is because of what I am. I am a seeker and seekers always have a close companion to them. We need that support, even if it is small, we rely on it. Not only dos that strength bonds, it provides a trust during battle.

I guess that's why seekers come in triads. They complement each other in battle with their strengths and weaknesses.

Ah, weakness. All walks of life have a weakness. Even the strongest and/or the most powerful human alive has his or her weakness. Yes, even my commander has a weakness. Everyone says he has no known weakness, but Megatron has not been able to conquer the Autobots yet.

Oh, I know he has one. Like a good leader, he hides it so well, nobody can see it. I can see the flaws, but I dare not point them out to anyone. It would be taken as blackmail or I'd be declared a traitor and executed. So I keep these thoughts to myself. And they shall stay a thought.

Thoughts can be just as dangerous as spoken words. Especially around Soundwave. Everyone knows he's a telepath. With Soundwave, it is always the quiet one. Him and his monotone voice. I am wary of him, just as anyone else is. It would be simple as a snap for Soundwave to blackmail someone with secret information.

Mm. I could go on forever about the questionability of my "friends" but that was never the purpose of my thoughts. No, I have strayed far from my desired path of thoughts. How easy it is to do that, even with a mind as advanced as mine. To be mentioned, all Transformer minds are alike, but more have much more power in certain areas.

Another day, another time. Enough of these silly thoughts of mine. Time to go grab a cube and see if Megatron has a mission in mind or see what my next shift is.

Sliding off of my berth, I cast a last glance outside my porthole into the deep blue ocean waters. Chuckling lightly, I turn and head towards my door. It opens with a silent hiss and I walk out. As I head down the hall, my door closes and locks.


End file.
